GUILDFORD EVENT: Coping At Christmas

I am passionate about empowering people through their recovery and believe community based interventions are crucial for supporting the Mental Health burden faced by the NHS. Together we can provide an environment that fosters proactive approach to recovery and empowers those who are suffering.

Are you suffering from disordered eating?
Maybe you have past experience with emotional under or over eating? Or a diagnosed clinical disorder such as Anorexia or Bulimia nervosa
Maybe you’re supporting a loved one through their recovery
Anxious about the Christmas season approaching? 

It is no surprise that Christmas and New Years bring a load of seasonal struggles to those suffering with an eating disorder

With the heightened focus on foody events, drinks out, meeting relatives you’ve not seen in years, and then the mass of confusing chaos that is “diet Jan”
Recovery can be more of a battle field compared to other months of the year.  

I am here to tell you that Christmas is such a fantastic time of year and those festive fears have no right to dictate your enjoyment of the season.

They can be overcome, planned around and communicated in ways that enable you to “Cope At Christmas”  without taking steps back in your recovery. 

 

canvaimage.jpg

FIND OUT MORE HERE 
REGISTER YOUR ATTENDANCE HERE 


About Josceline-Joy christmassyonsie

Josceline is a Graduate Psychologist, media representative for Beat, the U

K’s leading eating disorder charity, public speaker, eating disorders recovery mentor and mental health campaigner.

After her own recovery from battling anorexia nervosa she was inspired to start her website, with the sole aim to raise awareness about mental health and help empower people to take the front seat in their recoveries.

Josceline was published by the British Psychological Society in their student journal, Psych-Talk, on the neuropathology of eating disorders and has twice been a guest speaker on the BBC’s popular news show Victoria Derbyshire discussing barriers to accessing mental health treatments. She has also had articles published on the Daily Mail, Real People Magazine and The Surrey Advertiser.

Currently Josceline is involved in public speaking and workshops, in schools and at Surrey University, as well as working with individuals on a one-to-one basis as a recovery mentor.


 

A Seasonal “Sod Off” to Disordered Eating [Top Tips]

This post will be particularly useful for those who:

Experience a heightened level of anxiety around food and eating.

Are inclined to compensate or punish themselves for food eaten.

Those currently having treatment for, or in recovery for, disordered eating.

Those who find themselves stuck in diet mentality, when eating causes negative self- judgement.

For those caring for another with disordered eating.

It’s now November [what the ..?! How’d that happen…] and in my family that’s a cue for premature Christmas songs and getting busy in the kitchen making lots of Christmas goodies! 

christmas_cake_angel.jpg

Christmas has always been my favourite time of year, and let’s face it what’s Christmas without the amazing array of food. 

The warm comforting smells sum up Winter, and spark nostalgic memories; Christmas evenings filled with games, music and laughter.  

This hasn’t always been the case for me though.
The years spent battling anorexia turned Christmas joys into Christmas fears.
Christmases spent anxious in tears.
Christmases on meal plans, worried and concerned about every spoonful to come, every meal out, and dreading every party.

For those suffering with an eating disorder Christmas can be a serious time for struggles and set backs.

Coming into my fifth year of recovery it is lovely to be able to once again embrace the season’s festivities.  
Over the years I have learnt to hold a more realistic and educated perspective by continuously, and immediately, challenging faulty thoughts, behaviours and communicating anxieties.

This is my wish for all of you this season.


So, without further ado, let’s kick start the festive period with a seasonal “sod off” to your eating disorder.

Here are my Top Tips for Surviving Christmas Time

(ft. mistletoe, and glass upon glassful of wine…)

1.  Don’t restrict/skip meals.  

Compensating and restricting your eating in the weeks leading up to Christmas parties, meals out is more likely to increase anxiety as it puts your body under huge amounts of stress.
Restrictive eating has been found to be associated with overeating later on in the day, that may spark binges for those susceptible. 

Keep to a routine, and if you’re nervous about an upcoming event or meal out simply find out what will be on offer beforehand and pick a couple of options  you think you’ll be able to manage, that way you can feel more chilled in advance and focus on the social side of season!
Processed with VSCOcam with hb1 preset

2. Movement should be optional and not obligatory.

You do not have to “work for” or “work off” your food.
You deserve to eat food and enjoy yourself just like everyone else, regardless of what you have or have not done.

This is where diet-culture often wins us over, because in the next few weeks we will be inundated with advert after advert for workout DVDs, all this rubbish about detoxes, cleanses, and loads more dieting messages reminding us to hit the gym hard before we have any festive foods.
Remind yourself that these are marketing gimmicks; existing to make sales, and caring about their profits and not your health.

Instead of believing you have to run yourself into the ground, be gentle, do things you enjoy; go on wintery walks, do gentle stretching like yoga.  

                 Move because you want to move, and in the ways you love to move.

exercise.jpg

3. Be Aware of Faulty Thinking Traps:

Christmas can be a playground for eating disorders, freely swinging guilt and shame around so that you end up perpetually swung into the control of your eating disorder. Thoughts and feelings can feel extreme, self-punishing, all encompassing.
But remind yourself they are lies.
What you eat is not to be internalised as a reflection of who you are as a person; you are not bad, nor are you guilty, or greedy, or shameful for nourishing your body. 


Write down these faulty thoughts on note cards along with some counteractive comebacks,
 have them handy so you can remind yourself that actually everything is ok.

The more you challenge the thoughts and behaviours the more you see that things aren’t really all that scary and the festive fun begins to slowly creep back in!
Thought challenging and putting a realistic perspective on a situation [I have written a blog about common thinking errors and ways to challenge them in a blog that you can read here]

liberated-2019458_1920.jpg
4. Use it as a time to challenge and change!

Instead of allowing the season to hold you back, use it as a chance to push you forward! 

I have often dealt with people who say it’s easier to avoid certain situations, or eating certain foods, so as not to evoke negative and uncomfortable thoughts/feelings. 
But this doesn’t help you challenge your irrational food fears, and by remaining captive to your eating disorder you are preventing little steps forward in your recovery.

Make a little list of foods you tend to avoid or feel anxious about, and then work them into your meals and snacks.  Have a trusted friend that can support you trying these foods out and help you handle anxiety around this.

You may wish to journal how you felt before, during, and after eating them
I promise you will survive to see that nothing bad happens.
The more you practice this task the more you break down barriers and increase the variety of foods into your diet. 

dontgiveup


5. Try Something New!

There is so much more to Christmas than food!
Get festive with crafts, movies, winter walks, visiting German Markets, seeing the lights, games. These and many more are all great distractions away from negative thinking and ruminating thoughts.
christmas-market-1864241_1280

6. Make Self-Care A Priority

Give yourself space and time to calm your thoughts and feelings; breathing exercises or having something soothing (I used aromatherapy candles and music) can help if you are susceptible to panic attacks or extreme anxiety.
This will also help aid digestion, and may help reduce any pain, discomfort or bloating caused by tension and stress around food often confused as GI dysfunctions such as IBS or coeliac – no self diagnosis please.

Relax

6. Take One Day At A Time. 

For many the social occasions are more than just the day itself and many have extended Christmas and New Years plans. This amount of socialising and foody events may feel very overwhelming when you think about it all at once, so don’t get ahead of yourself.
It may be helpful to take time to sit and plan, with a clinician or any trusted other, ways to manage the upcoming season so that your health remains stable.

Knowing where you will be for events, looking at menus in advance, or having some pre-made snacks are all ways you can make sure you feel comfortable socialising this season.

Remember that the season is more than just food, so what else can you get up too with friend and family?!

oneday.jpg

7. Ditch The Diet and Body Talk:

I used to dread coming back from my treatment at Christmas just because it meant hearing the words “you’re looking so much better” repeatedly said to me.
*Cringe* 

Now, to many this may seem bizzare,  because surely that’s a lovely compliment to hear?!
And true, it is….now!
But, when ill with an eating disorder, such comments are likely interpreted as “looking bigger/fatter”.

This it then associated with many other hugely complex underlying  beliefs and labels:  being bad/unworthy/unloveable/not deserving treatment/care…feeling out of control.
A complex can of worms you just didn’t wanna open… 

It’s worth telling friends, family members in advance not to comment on your appearance, and abstain from topics of conversation regarding body image and food talk.
None of this talk on “good or bad foods”, or “such and such will go straight to my hips…”…tell them to leave that diet-trash talk out of the picture for their sake as well as yours.
screen-shot-2016-07-15-at-17-20-11.png

Personal reflection; it definitely helped me to challenge this warped interpretation by remembering they hadn’t seen me since I went into hospital, really they were just thrilled to see me back at home for Christmas, and actually what they were referring to was my bubblier, brighter side that was shining through now I was becoming “me” again.
When I was more motivated in recovery I would challenge these thoughts and ask myself why was I interpreting comments in this way, and why I felt the need to look “ill” – what was this function playing for me? what was I actually trying to vocalise through restrictive eating and self-starvation?
Deep stuff I know…but just points to ponder.

8. Communication is Key:

Believe it or not but people do care about you.
Talk to whoever’s cooking for you, and be honest about how you’re feeling to your friends and family, the more they understand how you’re coping with things the more they can support you at meals and in states of high anxiety.
Whether it’s going for a coffee with a mate, or having a hug from your parents, if you need it, ask for it. 

meetup.jpg


You Got This!

Christmas is a hard time for those with eating disorders, so don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t expect every day to go perfectly.
Take small steps to challenge your thinking and your eating.

Remember:

It’s only one month. You will survive to see that nothing bad has happened!!!

You do not need to work for, or work off, what you eat. 

Your eating disorder has no authority to restrict or rule your life 

 Above all else, remember that you deserve to enjoy Christmas, just like everyone else.


Dear parents and carers…
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Remember to not neglect your own needs. For more info please check out the blog written by guest writer on my site, and one strong mummy, Janet Richards, sharing her top tips.


JossJPS-20
@Josceline_Joy

If you liked this post please don’t forget to leave a comment, follow the blog and my social media tags! 

My Journey: From Surviving to Thriving

Who we are and what makes up the faceted features of our personalities is a complex combination of biological, psychological and environmental factors. Around different people we may act differently, and in those quiet moments of personal reflection sometimes you can end up wondering whether how you’re portraying yourself to others is actually what you want to be known for, or how you want to be remembered.

So in my first blog I want to introduce myself and take you on a (brief) journey that started back when I was 15 years old. When I first met ‘Ana’. A different kind of label, and identity that I carried around with me for 6 destructive years.

Ana promised me my wildest hopes and dreams, whilst in reality giving me a fix of the most addictive drug I’ve ever taken: starvation.

Now, don’t be deterred. This is actually a happy story…I can’t do serious without adding a smile.


My name is Joss and I am a 25-year-old Psychology graduate from The University of Surrey. By nature I am extroverted and bubbly.  I enjoy helping others, and also have a love for music, dance and sport. Born and bred in Surrey, I enjoy going for long walks in the countryside, and winding up in a good ol’ English Pub – the ones with the sofas and fire places, accompanied with big fluffy dogs.

For 6 years of my life I was robbed of my freedom to be this person and do these things.

In fact I was the polar opposite. Introverted, gloomy, sullen and depressed. Words that I would never have put in the same sentence with myself in a million years.

“Hi, I’m Joss, and I have Anorexia Nervosa”


 

Subtle beginnings…

I can’t pinpoint the exact time anorexia entered my life. My urge to diet and lose weight started in December 2007, when I was 15. Before then I would’ve described myself as a ‘foodie’ girl – you’d find me by the buffet at a party, and my nicknames often were “pie girl” and “squishy”…you get the jist.

I was a curvy girl. I started puberty earlier then all my friends, but at my ‘largest’ I was a size 10/12, so not ‘big’ at all, in fact about average I’d say.

 

 

Like many, after Christmas that year mum and I decided we’d both lose half a stone just to ‘trim down’ and look good for summer.

I had my year 11 prom approaching  at the end of the year, and this ideal I wanted to reach, especially if I thought I had any chance of being approached as a potential date for.

For once I wanted to look and feel completely gorgeous and comfortable in my own skin; something up until then I had never truly experienced.

So the New Years resolution began.

Goodbye chocolate, crips and cheese; Hello exercise DVD and thinner thighs.

It started out fine, but cutting out food, and exercising obsessively became an addiction. One I craved. Clothes felt good when they became baggy. I felt in control, more worthy and as if this was my way of ‘perfecting’ myself.

Other things began to change, to be ‘perfected’ – handwriting, school grades, hair was dyed blonde and I stopped wearing my old tom-boyish style clothes.


By my 16th birthday in June I was thinner but still looked healthy. I should’ve stopped and maintained the weight loss, but I just didn’t know how, and by now my mind was filled with rules, ‘do’s’ and ‘don’ts’, rights and wrongs about my food and body.

I was no longer experiencing my own thoughts. A new “voice” had appeared.

It dictated rules, it piled on guilt, it drove obsessions and reduced my food.

Less.

and less.

and less.

Notebooks filled with calorie values and calculations.

I had no time for friends, family, making relationships.

I worked part time. I measured food. I slept.

And soon that little voice in my head turned on me….

“You may as well not eat. Disappear. No one wants you around”


Breaking the silence…

I am one of three, and my two older brothers, who were both at University at this time, both had major concerns about my weight loss and my new attitude towards food.

When they came home from University they noticed small details like my new fussiness about where we went if we ate out, and ordering low fat alternatives to reduce calories.

I suffered severe anxiety about eating out at restaurants or eating food that others had prepared for me because I hadn’t been in control of how it was made.

The weight plummeted lower and lower, the slippery slope turned into a landslide of weight loss. Although I felt weak and fatigued, I felt empowered and in control at the same time. Anorexia promised me I was safe, and that if got thinner I would be happier. The lifeless, dull and depressed reflection I saw in the mirror wasn’t me. But I didn’t want help, I wanted to be left alone.

It was my mum who demanded I saw the Doctor, by now the family’s concern had grown too great and I was eating minimal amounts a day, hiding food, lying about food I’d eaten and compulsively exercising.

My muscles had wasted away and bones were protruding.

When the Dr weighed me my eyes fixated on the small distance the arrow moved and although I recognised it was low my mind just said, “Disappointing really. Should’ve been lower. You’ve failed as always”. 

The numbers had no impact on me, it was just a game, how low could they get?


September 2008

In September 2008 I was removed from college and placed in a general hospital ward in Surrey for observation due to my pulse being too low.

On one of the days a nurse from the local outpatient eating disorders team came to visit me. With tears in her eyes she watched me lifelessly lay there. She told me how, if my anorexia continued to control me, I wouldn’t be alive much longer: my organs had shrunk and my heart and bones were weak.

Being at such a low weight really impacts your ability to process and respond to information, so I remember her telling me these horrendous facts and them having no effect on me what-so-ever. It was as if I had cotton wool stuffed in my ears and my brain was a bouncing the words back and forth without gathering meaning from them.

On a rational level I knew the seriousness of what she was saying, but mental health problems aren’t rational and however much I wanted it to shock me into eating, it wouldn’t, my anorexia just told me “she’s lying, don’t listen to her”.

“ Fear had the deepest impact on the whole family. I was told your heart could give out at any moment. The pressure on me to make sure you stayed alive was enormous, I even checked you were still breathing at night. I lost my daughter, I had to unpick everything I thought I knew and understood about my lovely daughter. Where was the popular, feisty, funny girl who loved to dance and party? She was now full of suspicion, contempt and anger. How does one enjoy life when the very life of a loved one is threatened, and they are physically wrenched out of your own home and your (seemingly inadequate) care? The sense of failure is great. It doesn’t matter if people say it’s not your fault – you feel a useless mother”.

Cathy Walden [2011]

I never intended to hurt the ones I love the most, and I am deeply sorry for the selfishness of my anorexia


Meal times from hell…

Many people have asked me “surely you were hungry?” and the answer is, no. With anorexia you are completely flooded by fear that you ‘feel full’. Hunger is suppressed to an unrecognisable level, and even if I were able to acknowledge it, eating wasn’t an option, the distress and mental torment I would endure after was not worth eating.

A typical mealtime during this period would be in complete silence, the banter and chatter of previous years vanished. I would sit crying over a small portion of food, my head held in my hands, sometimes I would try and run from the table and often I would refuse to eat at all and glance up to see my mum and dad’s worn out faces – there was nothing they could do but watch their daughter disappear before their eyes.

I’d curl up in a trembling ball on the floor begging them not to make me eat; I’d kick and scream because I was so afraid they’d make me eat.dscn1155.jpg

Endless bargains would be made, such as “you can see the fireworks tonight if you promise to eat your snack”.

I would agree, eat some of it, and either hide the rest in the wrapper and discard of it, or spit the chewed up bar into a tissue.

Any food eaten, well that’d be exercised straight off.

My brother remembered on one occasion when he came home from Uni, entering the dining room to see dad holding his head hung low and mum looking close to tears as I wouldn’t eat my meal because it hadn’t been weighed out precisely.

Joss was no more; instead a preoccupied, and unresponsive gaze took the place of her once enthusiastic glow.


 

The Hospital Diaries…No.1

Making little progress I was sent home and put on bed rest. The stress and upset my illness was causing my family, along with the continued decrease of my weight meant that by November 2008 I was admitted to a general psychiatric hospital in Winchester. Little did I know this would become my new home for the next 8 months.

I can still remember the terror I felt as we drove up to Winchester on the cold morning with a blanket wrapped around me, my heart pounding and my mind caught in a whirlwind of emotion.

Settling into the hospital regime took a while, and was very hard. I had to follow an eating programme along with other girls who had eating disorders. This was terrifying for me.

I had no control over my food or my weight. I had no studies to distract myself from. No friends and my family were far away.

There were consequences for not eating, not finishing in the allocated time frame. Furthermore, if you didn’t put on weight every week then more food was added to your diet plan.

Plates were scraped clean.

No food was wasted.

Every calorie counted.

When I reached BMI of 16 I was able to join in with the sporting activities and get a 20-minute gym programme which I was allowed to use twice a week. Of course this was monitored and depending on how the weight was progressing these luxuries would be given or taken away.

During this time I made friends with the others on the ward. There were fights and confrontations, but also support and encouragement for facing some fears. I was blessed with some of the best friends I could have asked for, and shared in the recovery journeys of many courageous girls who defeated their illnesses. This was valuable to me as my friends back home found it hard to see me so sad and ill. They distanced themselves not knowing what to do or say, and worried they’d make the situation worse.

At the end of the admission I had reached a healthy weight, but unfortunately I relapsed in the summer. This happened twice more ending up with me having to self-teach A levels from one hospital, and dropping out of University in order to go into another.


Set backs and struggles…

Although there is a false sense of safety and comfort in having an eating disorder I can honestly say I lived in a complete fear, never knowing what the next day would bring.

I spent many nights in floods of tears down the phone to my brother as he desperately tried to comfort me.

I’d ring my parents in begging them to come and take me home.

I wanted nothing more than to wake up and for the nightmare to be over.

Bad habits developed alongside…self-harm, vomiting and one suicide attempt.

Tube feeding.

Sedation.

Looking back now it just doesn’t seem real.


A little hope goes a million miles…

The last admission was in 2011. It was an adult ward and the most challenging of the three. My weight as at its lowest, and therefore my mind at its worst.

Weak. Stubborn.

I wouldn’t eat…so I was tubed.Back Camera

Everyday, slowly pumping calories into me. I would often try and go to the toilet and empty the bag of liquid feed down the loo. The short-term relief seemed more important even though I knew I was only prolonging my stay there in the long term. I was put on a strong anti-psychotic drug that made me constantly drowsy and knocked me out for most days. The ward was dull and there was nothing for inpatients to do, I felt very alone.

The distress of being tube fed was getting me down and I had appealed to my medical team to be taken off the feed, promising them I’d try and eat again. They weren’t buying it.

Each time my request it came back declined.

However, there was one young Dr on my team who after a meeting stayed and sat with me. He stared. Paused, and said,

“I don’t know what it is about you, but I see through your anorexia and I believe that you will do this. If I ask them to take it out, you must eat the exact calories you’re being tube fed and follow the meal plan. No matter how long it takes you to get through those meals. Understand”


Moving forward and facing fears…

The tube was removed.

My anxiety streamed back. But for the last few weeks of being tubed I’d spent endless hours making motivational scrap books and drawings of what I wanted my future to look like.

And now, for the first time in months I had the chance to put that into action. Above all I wanted to show that Dr (who was fairly attractive I’ll have you know…) that he hadn’t misplaced his trust. That I was courageous and strong and would start being productive in my recovery.

There in-front of me on the plate. A meal I hadn’t allowed myself in 5 years, sausages and mash. All the fears surfaced, heart pounded and blood curdled. The fork felt heavy and my head dizzy. I was so fatigued from the medication they’d given me, and my throat was still raw from where the tube had been.

That meal was the first of many I completed. I later discharged myself from the hospital and moved back home, where the next chapter of my life was about to begin.

That Christmas I was in a much better place, not recovered or healthy, but managing to eat more and keeping motivated. I wrote to that doctor thanking him for putting his trust in me and reassuring him that it was not misplaced as I was now well into my recovery.

I never heard back, nor do I know whether he received the letter. But it’s people like him who put their trust because they see the treasure that is buried.


Taking a new perspective…

During my recovery my mum wrote about the positives of our journey;

“I feel we have grown closer as a family and learnt to be more honest with each other. There is always room for improvement in this area, but just being able to express our anger/negative feelings in safety and more honest, constructive ways, is a major step forward.

It’s so lovely to chat to Joss now because I feel I am talking to Joss and not the anorexia – there is a big difference, and I can tell the difference now.

It’s wonderful to see Joss reconnect to her dancing, and her willingness to help others.

It’s great to hear Joss laughing with friends, and I mean really laughing and enjoying herself. You have gained some new friends who are great girls, and you have such a sense of fun, which is returning. To me these are signs of hope.”


The true meaning recovery… 

Since then I have achieved so much; I completed my A Levels, got a diploma, went on two retreats; worked with disabled children, and in a school. I had my first proper relationship, worked out in Romania, skydived for charity, and have now graduated from University with a BSc in Psychology.

Recovery wasn’t easy and it’s not a quick fix. I learnt more about myself in those 6 years than most learn in a life time.

There is a lot missing from this account. Many stories too dark, or too personal to share. Other parts you can find elsewhere in the charity, media and self-help blogs.

My recovery involved years of therapy, and even a court case, to deal with the hidden trauma behind the development of my anorexia, and to finally distinguish its flames.

The misconception is that eating disorders are solely about food and weight. They are not [find out more about common myths here]. Food is the symptom not the cause.

The beauty is that now  I get to share this with you from a place of health and happiness. I no longer need anorexia as my mask. I am once again the bubbly, happy, extroverted and ambitious young lady I always wanted to be, and was underneath.

Through the work I do now I aim to debunk the myths around mental health, decrease negative stigma and encourage people to look outwards with optimistic eyes in pursuit of their goals.

 “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” – Jeremiah 29: 11-13